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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29175018">It's This Feeling She Has</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/MeaninglessWords/pseuds/MeaninglessWords'>MeaninglessWords</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Criminal Minds (US TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>ANGSTY BUT HAPPY, F/F, a compilation of words that resemble some sort of story, i just want happiness if you can't tell, letting it all out is hard sometimes</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 12:27:07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>951</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29175018</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/MeaninglessWords/pseuds/MeaninglessWords</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>JJ can't quite explain the feeling she has but fighting the urge to scream the truth is getting harder every day.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Jennifer "JJ" Jareau/Emily Prentiss</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>55</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>It's This Feeling She Has</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>There’s this overwhelming sensation JJ gets every time she sees her. It’s this urge, to scream and yell and punch the walls until Emily hears her. Unleash every truth she’s ever stopped at the barrier of her lips before she can’t take the words back, before everything changes. Forever.</p><p>She can’t explain it. It’s like trying to stop a wave from crashing into the shore, you know it’s going to happen but that doesn’t mean you won’t try. The fear paralyses you because one day you just know the restraint will stop, the filter will fail and the world, your world, will change forever. She finds herself cursing inwardly for being so scared of the words she’s desperately trying to stop. Thinking, ‘God, what is there to be scared of’. The anxiety reaches peak level, and the barrier takes another hit. Another dent. Another chip. How many more before the wave breaks through?</p><p>Tearing herself to pieces over thinking she thinks she’s both a coward and strong enough to fight. One day, she knows she will lose this fight. That day terrifies her because she doesn’t know if it’ll feel like the freedom she’s been searching for, releasing her from the façade she’s built or will it be the day JJ locks herself away behind walls that she won’t ever take down, never to see the light of day again.</p><p>Truly wondering whether the truth is even worth the pain. People say you’ll never know unless you try. But those people don’t know what it’s like to hide yourself behind walls, mirrors, masks and reflections desperately trying to fill in the gaps before something leaks out without your permission. It’s exhausting hiding. Freedom is better. But what price is JJ willing to pay for it?</p><p>There are small moments where she thinks, ‘Just do it’ and the belief that it will be okay fills her for the briefest of moments, almost bringing the sense of calm and happiness you feel in the first few moments of bliss when you wake up in the morning. Before everything comes back and you remember. Reality.</p><p>Sitting in her office alone with the clock ticking closer and closer to midnight, JJ wonders if she just whispered the truth to the nothingness that surrounds her, that maybe she will feel some sense of freedom. Taking the edge off the barriers, the water receding from the walls, buying her some time before the water bursts through.</p><p>Leaning back in her chair and taking a deep breath, she begins to talk to the roof, her desk and the files that surround her more often than her family does.</p><p> </p><p><em>‘</em> <em>I don’t really know when I knew, it kind of just happened. It was like I woke up one day and the truth had floated through open windows, like it had completed a journey into my head. Telling me what I already knew but didn’t see for the longest time.’ </em></p><p>
  <em>‘I can’t quite remember when I was ready to share, but it didn’t happen too long after I got to college. By the time I got to the FBI, I was ready to hide who I was for as long as I needed too but all that changed when I met her.’ </em>
</p><p>
  <em>‘Her black hair and impossibly brown eyes took my breath away before I even knew her name. The softest curls framed the sharpest jaw line I had ever seen. I don’t think I’ve ever told her how beautiful she is. I hope she knows. She’s probably had people tell her that before. I hope she believed them because they were right.’ </em>
</p><p>
  <em>‘It was like lightening had rooted me to the spot the first time she shook my hand, her dull nails scrapping past my palm and her smile rendering me speechless for the first time I can remember.’ </em>
</p><p>
  <em>‘I knew I liked her then, but I didn’t realise I loved her until she was the only one who could pull me back from the brink of darkness with so much as a careful touch to my shoulder.’ </em>
</p><p>
  <em>‘Seeing her every day is what keeps me alive. Her smile is like oxygen and her words are a melody that will forever play in my head.’ </em>
</p><p>
  <em>‘Whenever we are alone, I fight the urge to kiss her senseless. Wipe the smirk off her face when she makes me laugh. Cuddle impossibly closer to her when we sit next to each on the jet.’ </em>
</p><p>
  <em>‘One day I’ll tell you the truth. I love you, Emily. But for now, I sure hope this office can keep another secret or two.’</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Feeling like a small weight had been lifted off her shoulders, she opened her eyes to see the women she dreams about every night frozen in her doorway, three files in her hands with a silent tear falling down her face as if she’d heard the only words that had ever mattered.</p><p>Emily spoke the words, ‘I think you just did’ so quietly JJ thought she was dreaming.</p><p>With her mouth agape in slight shock, JJ felt the wave of relief she’d been chasing all her life wash over her. Taking away her fear and shattering the walls she’d fought to keep up for as long as she could remember. It was like nothing else mattered. Standing up and crossing the room like nothing else mattered, JJ closed the distance between their lips for the first time before Emily could say ‘I love you too.’</p><p>Between kisses that only grew more insistent and intense as if they were making up for lost time, Emily whispered, ‘You think I’m beautiful?’</p><p>JJ replied, ‘I think you’re everything I’ve been searching for my entire life.’</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks for reading :) Let me know if it's any good.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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